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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?